"I Don't Fit In"

This is the sentiment of at least one sister in my congregation. When talking to her on the Lord's day, she expressed that she doesn't feel like she fits in with Lord's church at Handley. No one has ever made such a blunt comment to me, though I have perceived their harsh feelings toward the church through casual conversation. Because of her statement though, I have thought seriously about the idea of "fitting in" in the local congregation of God's people. First, we will look at why others don't "fit in" and what we can do to help them not only feel a part of the work of the church, but actually encourage them to be a part of the work. Please open your Bible with me as we look at this relevant subject.

THE WRONG ATTITUDE

Fitting in is often a mindset. I can recall another situation in which another Christian left a small assembly of Christians because she was sure that others did not want her to be there. Nothing could have been farther from the truth! She had made up in her mind to leave that group. No one had made any inappropriate remarks to her, or even conveyed the idea that she was unwanted. However, something in her mind convinced her that her presence was undesired.

Friend, that kind of attitude reflects on that sister, not on the church. She had artfully crafted a situation where she was unwanted. That hurts my heart to think that she has such a bad taste in her mouth about herself and the church because of her own thoughts.

When someone makes up in his mind that he is a part of the church, and that the Christian life is not only a personal journey, but a collective one (cf. Hebrews 10:23-24), then he will do his best to not to worry about what others think, but what he can do to help and encourage other followers of Christ.

Personal prejudices. This mindset is closely related to the one mentioned above. If one is a part of a congregation where he is a minority (whether it be in marital situation, age, social status, race, educational background, etc.), then it can be easy to feel like an odball or left out. Often time this mindset makes others feel unwanted or "out of step" with the rest of God's people.

But sometimes, minorities just don't want to get along with everyone else. They enjoy being "different" and like to be out of the loop as far as activities and works in the church are concerned. This is not an attitude becoming of a Christian (cf. Romans 2:11; Acts 10:34-35).

Ignorance of your individual role in the church. Since we are all individuals, we all have personal strengths and abilities (cf. 1 Corinthians 12:4-11). How amazing! But sometimes, mature disciples fail to share this truth with those who are newborn babes in Christ. Because of this lack of communication, many Christians don't find their "specialty" in the congregation. Every Christian's individuality should be stressed and nurtured, because our individual strengths are collectively, the church's strength.

SOME IMPORTANT QUESTIONS TO PONDER

Am I nurturing the ones who "don't fit", those with no one in their age group, their marital situation, their race or social background? It is important to let others know that they are appreciated and that the congregation's success relies on their hard work and contribution to the local work. At one time, all of us were new to the church, and because many of us have experienced "being left out", we should not want anyone else to be found in that situation (cf. Matthew 7:12).

Do I pay attention to the needs of others above my own? Christians ought to give special attention to the problems of those in the household of faith (Galatians 6:10). Other Christians should be on the top of our priority list. The perfect example of someone caring for others more than Himself is our Lord Jesus (cf. Philippians 2:5-7; 1 Peter 2:21). He bore our sins, cares for us, and always looks out for our best interest. We should imitate Him in that regard.

Practical suggestions to prevent others from being "left out"

• Be hospitable. Invite them into your home or to a restaurant for a meal on you.
• Meet new people. Often people feeling left out is because not many in the congregation get around to meeting them and showing a genuine interest.
• Move out of your comfort zone. At a luncheon or during a worship meeting, go sit beside someone you don't usually sit by. They won't bite!
• Write a note of encouragement. Let others know that you care by putting it one paper.
  

Because we are human, we have a natural inclination to want to belong. Whether it be in the workplace, the home, at school, or as a member of God's family. However, when every member does his part, the church will work just fine. Just make sure you are doing yours, and encourage others to do theirs.

"Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God"
(Romans 15:7).