The Benefits of Living a Double Life

Man, it is hard to please your friends and be a Christian at the same time! I do my best to not make my friends feel alienated or condemned because of my beliefs about Christ, morality, the church, etc. It is hard, but I have been pretty successful at it. I will list some of the great advantages of having "one foot in the church and one foot in the world."

You can set an inconsistent example for non-believers. I always find this beneficial. You see, since people already know that I am bound to sin, then there is no reason for me to make an attempt of setting a righteous example for them. There really is no real benefit for me to let my light shine all the time (Matthew 5:16), other than glorifying God. Also, what I believe should not really have much of an effect on how I live. If I show others how God condemns alcohol but I still go to parties with drinking, that's really no big deal. Try setting an inconsistent example! It really works if you want to let others know that your service to Christ is lukewarm (Revelation 3:14-15).

You can have the best of both worlds. There is nothing like a good church luncheon! All of the great food and koinonia are very encouraging. Also, there's nothing like lunch at work! All of the great food and profane language always give me a good chuckle and a full stomach. I love to straddle the fence, even though the devil owns the fence (cf. 1 Kings 18:21).

You can feel guilty when others compliment you on your good example for Christ. One day a sister in my congregation came to me to compliment on all the good works I am involved in for the Lord. I left that conversation saying to myself, "If you only knew the REAL me." Deceiving others is an art that I have almost mastered, and that I am not ready to give up yet. I love being a white-washed tomb (beatiful on the outside but full of dead bones)! After a while though, I stopped feeling guilty for my double life because it has become so much a part of my life.

You can serve God at your own convenience. This is probably the greatest benefit. See, fully-devoted Christians have to serve God with their whole life, while I only have to serve Him with part of mine. This reminds me of the story of a certain tribe of Gauls who were converted by missionaries from Rome after their military submission by Roman Legions. They agreed to be baptized in the river that bordered their land. One by one they marched into the river to receive baptism, but as each warrior went under the water, he held up one arm. It was the sword arm. They were converted, but only partially. The sword arm was reserved for use against Rome! How could God really expect "complete devotion" from us? What an outrageous idea!

There are so many benefits to living a double life. There is not even enough room on this page alone to contain it! I love being able to defer others away from heaven by my bad example and would have it no other way.

Side note: This article is a form of satire, but its content rings true with the attitude of many "two-faced" Christians. Jesus gave an excellent commentary on this wretched lifestyle when He said, "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other" (Matthew 6:24). Even though in context the Savior was addressing money, this principle is applicable to every Christian's life as a whole. Jesus also condemned the Pharisees for being hypocrites and, "whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness" (Matthew 23:27).

May we never live a double life!